I really, really, really hate working the week of Thanksgiving at my hardware store. Hate. It. I hate it so much that I usually just take the week off. This year, however, I have run out of vacation. So I am stuck for it.
Why do I hate it so much?
The constant stream of people who think they can complete a major remodel AND have time to cook a huge Thanksgiving dinner in three days. It’s like all of the sudden, people begin to realize they’ve invited eleventy-billion people over and their bathroom looks like a truck-stop rest area. And most of the time, they don’t like what I keep in stock, so they want to special order, and they need it the next day. Then they get mad because it usually takes an artisan a month to hand-make the vanity they want.
And, BREATHE!!!
I am here to help you make minor changes that will make your rooms look better AND you’ll still have time to cook that fantastic dinner.
Problem #1
Bathroom Looks Like a truck stop. I would say that this is the number one thing customers ask me about during this super stressful week. Instead of buying all new faucets, toilets, vanities, sinks and bathtubs, here’s some easy stuff you can do.
1. Wash the walls. You don’t have time to paint and have the fumes fade in time for turkey. You can wash them down with a mild TSP solution (very, very light) or you can go the way I would, and use my favorite thing ever. The Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. That thing does everything! Don’t forget your baseboards.
2. Polish everything shiny. Time to get the toothpaste spots off the faucet, and the hard water stains on the tub spout. Quick hint: If you can remove it (faucet handles, metal wall plates, drain pop-ups) run it through the dishwasher, top shelf for plastic handles.
3.Buy new if it’s easy. Buy a new shower curtain, a new shower head (they are very easy to put on), maybe a pretty new set of guest towels. Even fancy soaps make a counter look new (it’s too late for esty!!)
4. Clean. Just make sure it’s clean, but don’t knock yourself out. If you have linoleum, you can put a product called “Future” on it right before you go to bed. When you get up the next morning, it’ll look like you waxed it.
And remember: If your mom (or any other Judgy McJudgerson) makes those snide comments about your bathroom after that, they can go suck an egg. Right, mom???
Problem #2
Carpet looks like people actually live in your house. You don’t have time/money/you rent to get a new carpet. This one is tough, but here’s some things you can do.
1. Rent a carpet cleaner. But don’t wait too long! This project is best tackled the Sunday or Monday before Thanksgiving (“Oh, thanks, Kimbert. Could’ve told us yesterday”) so you have time for the carpet to dry.
2. Spot clean. Resolve Spot Treater is an awesome product. I actually need to buy stock in this company. It takes up coffee, kid, cat, dog, and food stains, which are all very prevalent in my house. Spot treat, and vacuum.
3. Freshen. The old school trick is to sprinkle baking soda on the carpet and vacuum. They also have some good smelling floor powders on the market now that do the same job. I like the Apple Cinnamon foam that you don’t even have to vacuum in.
And remember, if the Judgy McJudgersons make a comment about your carpet, you can always ask if they’d like to pay for its replacement (right, mom???)
Problem #3
Odd smells.
1. Well, if the cat box, you know what to do.
2. If you know where the smell is coming from, you can treat the area with a food-grade odor neutralizer, like Pure-Ayre.
3. If you can’t find it, hide it. Febreeze the shit out of your area, light the scented candles, wear heavy perfume.
4. If it’s your garbage disposal, run your leftover lemon and the rind through the disposal.
5. Clean your garbage cans. (It’s gross, but the alternative is putting a Stick ‘Em air freshener on the can)
And remember if the Judgy McJudgerson judge your house on its stink, well, it is kinda gross.
Problem #4
Ugly kitchen
1. DON’T YOU HAVE ENOUGH TO DO IN HERE?????
Just remember that people are coming over to spend time with you. You wouldn’t have invited them if you didn’t love them on some level (or you felt obligated). My mother-in-law is coming over to our place, and she’ll probably leave the place cleaner than when she found it.
I hope you have a fantastic Thanksgiving. And to our Canadian friends, I hope you enjoy the influx of tourist dollars the long weekend brings. And to our ex-pats in Russia, I will make you virtual pies, and will drink vodka in your honor.
I’m thankful for my family, my job, this blog, my friends (both IRL and online), my health, my dog and cat, my cute little car, my giant minivan, Sookie Stackhouse for introducing me to Eric Northman, Star Wars, Bailey’s in my Thanksgiving morning coffee, brisk days, and apple pie.
Happy Thanksgiving!
